I don't have a conventional life or the one my parents wanted for me but I have the one that works for me and that I enjoy and its largely in part to him. He's the one constant I know is always going to be there, won't give up on me and loves me even when I'm at my absolute worst. And when I'm in those desperate moments and can't stand the person I am right then he's the man that holds me, tells me it'll be okay and to cheer up because I'm freaking out the puppy.
I've learned how to trust again from him, how to open myself up not just to him but to his family as well. I know what its like to have nephews and nieces now and sisters and a brother-in-law and all of this family that I never grew up with. I'm loved and I don't have to be all powerful. I can be independent and I can trust and believe that things will get done without me there to dictate them every step of the way.
I have trust and control issues and that was a huge part of learning to let go. I thought I'd known love before but I was wrong. Love is not having to drive you both everywhere because you can trust the other person with your life. I don't have to sit facing the door at a restaurant because I know he'll protect me. Love is letting go of the little things that bother you to be able to step back and see the whole picture. Its realizing that at the end of the day I get to fall asleep next to someone that I know I could spend the next fifty years falling asleep with.
I'm more open to trying new things, less afraid of what others will think of me and more powerful in my own skin because over the past five years he's helped me grow into a person I like to be. I did the work but I know there are things that I have in my life because he helped push me to do them.
I am so glad that I took the chance on loving him, that I didn't listen to my old roommate and that I did listen to a co-worker when she said I should try out this new dating site where she'd been hooking up with nice guys. I trusted my gut and what I'd thought would be a quick coffee date turned into hours of cuddling on a couch without a care in the world. When we'd only been going out for five days we went to a restaurant and the waiter said we looked like we'd been married for five years because of how comfortable we were together.
After that lunch we walked around some shops and went into a Zales store. We looked at engagement rings, I spotted a few shiny pretties, we talked about marriage. Not just in the general sense but to each other. I wasn't afraid and neither was he. That's when we decided that we would get married.
Five weeks later we were living together. A year and two months later we brought our dog home and our little family was complete. I know that insta-love exists and is real and powerful because I have it and taking a chance on him, making the decision to open up to the possibility of being hurt again, was the best decision I've ever made.